Tesla 2/22/12

I'm willing to bet most of you are saying, "Who?"  Then I guess most of you weren't arguably lucky enough to have an older sibling that was a teenager during the heart of 80s hair metal.  I used to watch my brother play Van Halen's "Jump" on his keyboard when I was five and thought I was observing God, personified.  I only knew four songs that they played, and three of them were covers.  The opening song morphed into Grateful Dead's "Truckin'" and a few unrecognized tunes later, they pulled out Zeppelin's "Thank You."  The boys looked a little haggard after all these years and lead singer Jeff Keith's peculiar mannerisms made him seem pretty tweeked out, meth-mouth and all.  He has maintained his raspy voice and the other fellas can still pick with the best of them as they proved in this all acoustic show.  They started pretty slow but built a little steam later on after jamming on some older tunes.  The famous ballad "Love Song" closed out the main set and their popular cover of Five Man Electrical Band's "Signs" ended the night.  Musically, the band sounded pretty good, but guitarist Frank Hannon's between song banter seemed scripted, as if they said the same things every night on the tour.  He even briefly started a cheesy wave in the small venue.  How novel.  Bands from the Reagan era do draw some interesting crowds that make for stellar people-watching.  We repeatedly saw this one guy in an Aerosmith hockey jersey drunkenly wandering around looking to talk to whom ever would listen.  Never approached us, though, thank goodness.

The Kills 2/1/12

So, I'm standing right in front of the sound area at Masquerade, listening to the opening bands, leaning on the rails when my hottie friend Ashley Parker walks by and I bump her to get her attention.  I could tell by her demeanor that something magical had happened to her, other than seeing me, of course.  We hug and she exclaims that she just shook hands with Jack White who was apparently right behind me in the caged off sound post.  But, he was gone after someone started taking pics of him and forced him backstage.  She was beside herself with the biggest eyes and smile I've ever seen.  I try to calm her down as we chat and watch the rest of the opening performance and then get in line for some drinks.  As it turns out, she knows the bartender, along with 20% of the rest of the crowd, who is more interested in talking to people and nearly ignoring those of us actually in line.  I had to turn around and watch the first two songs The Kills played while waiting on her to acknowledge my existence.  Her only redeeming quality was that she wasn't wearing a bra and evidently, was a little chilly, God bless her.  Those were the only tips involved in our interaction, I assure you.  I then, finally, get my Newcastle and find my spot to witness lead singer of the duo, Alison Mosshart (also of The Dead Weather with Jack White).  I saw these guys open for The Raconteurs back in 2008, so I knew I was in for a treat.  Whatever "it" is that rock stars have, she's got it two fold and just rocks the shit.  She takes the stage with her pink and black mop of hair, usually in her face, and magnetizes the attention of the crowd to her petite, 80 pound frame and fearless attitude.  She would thrash in the exact same manner to an empty room.  Chick leaders of rock bands are a risky gamble, which makes her stage presence all the more incredible.  They play "Baby Says" off the new album Blood Pressures when I notice in my "riphs" a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle.  I'll be damned if it wasn't Jack White, in the crowd, right next to me.  I almost puked.  I didn't want to bother him like the last person that sent him backstage, but I kept sneaking peeks when I could.  It was like a bird had landed on my shoulder and the last thing I wanted to do was bust out some jumping-jacks (no pun intended).  He did move to the other side of the crowd, briefly, and when he came back over, he stumbled on my big-ass left foot!  I knew these size 15s would pay off some day.  He quickly apologized and I think I said "Its cool, man" but who the Hell knows what I actually muttered.  A little later he went to put his arm around the girl he was with and bumped the beer I was holding.  He turned around and apologized again and we put each others hand on the others shoulder for a moment.  "I think it moved."  If you think that sounds gay as shit, then you just don't get "it."  It was as close to a religious experience as I'll probably ever have.  Just after that, Ashley comes back from the ladies room and tries to get me to come up closer with her many friends.  I told her I was good and pointed at Jack.  It startled her so much she jumped and burst out loud "Oh!"  He stood and watched them next to us for at least 4 songs including a cover of Patsy Cline's "Crazy."  Perhaps you didn't hear me:  I stood next to Godliness for 4 OR 5 FRIGGIN' SONGS!!!  Eventually, some jack-ass realized who was standing there and talked his ear off until he, again, retreated backstage.  The show could have ended right then.  Hell, the world could have ended right then.  (If you're unaware of who Jack White is (not Lacey's Dad), then you could probably substitute Bono or somebody.  Although if it had been him standing there, I would have tried to crop-dust his punk ass.)  Luckily, it didn't, and we watched The Kills perform a slowed down, sluggish version of the catchiest tune on the new album, "Nail In My Coffin," that still sounded great.  They came back from the encore break and did "The Last Goodbye" which showcases Alison's vocal talents followed by a couple more, of with which I was unfamiliar.  If this show was a preview of the rest of the concert year, I don't give a damn what the Mayans say, 2012 is lookin' up!